dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We smell like vodka and hangover
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