possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
