miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
