we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
