She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i out mim tonsoeep
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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