Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
