smell my finger.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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