I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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