there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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