DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My liver just had a heart attack.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
