I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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