You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
