Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
now i know why i became what i already was.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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