I'm really into asian looking animals
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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