He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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