so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
