I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Even my vagina gasped.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
