just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
