I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
