i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
