Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
