Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
