You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
