Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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