i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
