Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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