I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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