Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You're a waste of cheezeits
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
