oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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