Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
