all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
