You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
