Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
