Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
