you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
