I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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