As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
