just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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