I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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