Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
