so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
