when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
