I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
