We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
