I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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