matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
