If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's never too late to be topless.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
