mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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