is your mom at the bar?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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