So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
