Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
