You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
