i would punch a child for taco bell
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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