I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
