so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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