Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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