3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
