If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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