Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
