Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize