you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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