i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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