sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
