I bet he comes in French.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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