Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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