So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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