Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize