So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
