Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize