I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
