Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
